Are You Ready to Have Her as Your Girlfriend?

Introduction

I am a person who can easily get lost in his feelings, especially if they are strong feelings. Sometimes, I just don’t realize it, but bam! All of a sudden, my romantic feelings for someone consume me.

When I think about it, it’s pretty good… that is, if I can control it. The problem is: I can’t. I often have this obsessive and compulsive behavior toward someone. My obsessive behavior is rooted in the fact that I put her as my priority all the time. It’s terrible because I have other things to do. Also, I must remember that God should be the focus of my life.

My compulsive behavior comes from the fact that I always need to check my phone to see if she has already replied to my messages. Again, it’s actually not that bad if I can control it. The problem is that I still can’t. I always have the urge to check my phone every 2 minutes to see if she’s already replied to my message. These kinds of compulsive behaviors can drive a girl crazy even if she’s already deeply in love with me.

The Protocol

To address this, I wrote this blog! I want to make a protocol that I can read so that I don’t become obsessive and compulsive towards a girl. This protocol will be followed if I find a girl I like. This protocol should be followed before you ask her to be your girlfriend. The protocol is divided into 2 categories: first being my own filter and second being God’s will.

First, let’s talk about my own filter (aka my criteria)

• Check if she motivates you to do God’s will. It can be anything, whether to teach, do counseling, programming, or anything God wants me to do. This can be ambiguous. Because I can’t know what God’s will for me is. I can’t say that God’s will is what I’m mastering because sometimes it’s the hard things that God wants me to do. On the other hand, it can be the more accessible, more superficial things that God wants me to do. There is no way of knowing God’s will for me is… but I’m pretty sure God will show me the way.

• You’re also helping her achieve what God wants HER to do. It’s actually the same case with the point above; it’s just us playing the opposite role this time. In other words, the reverse.

• Check for my own obsessive and compulsive behavior towards her. This is important because you want to avoid making the same mistake such that a person gets your obsessive and compulsive treatment, right? This can be checked by seeing how much you’re prioritizing her. Always remember that she is not on top of your priority list. Please treat her with space for her to grow. Also, trust that God will keep her safe wherever she is. But, if she’s not dressed modestly, she’s not the one. That is not negotiable. If you’re dealing with a case where she is already close to you, but you’re giving your obsessive and compulsive behavior again, please search for help. Please realize that she is not on top of your priority list. If you can’t do it, look up for help.

• The Right Most Couple on the Normal Distribution. Based on previous relationship, I’ve noticed that how we think about relationshop is different with most people. This is important for me because I hate the fomo culture. I really don’t like to follow what other people think how things should be done. I want my relationship with a special person to be specific for me.

• Worth it for each other. This is actually written in the Bible. Somehow, you’ll just feel it. You’ll feel that you’re worth it for each other. Both of your “level” are approximately the same. If not, you’ll feel like the other person will try to make you to be better at the part where you or her aren’t worth.

The next thing that I can do pipelining while doing my filter (that I mentioned above) is to do these things:

• Pray. It’s not hard to do, but most people often forget it. You should ask God if she’s really the one. The answer from God can be one of these points: Yes or yes or perhaps wait, no because I have something better for you. Either way, the only way to know what God wants me to do is to pray every day to ask him for the answer and wait for God’s timing. You should ask God if she’s His will or not.

The Relationship Itself

This is the part where I need more space for elaboration. I can make a new blog discussing this subsection. But I decided to put it here because I want my blog to be free of rules. I just want this one blog to be filled with rules.

In this part, we’ll discuss love and rules. It is a pretty broad topic if I might add it, but it should be written so that I have the ground truth to compare my thoughts to when I’m in a relationship.

Love

This is the part where my psychological background should help…

I should remember that love is just chemistry running inside my brain. It’s just a bunch of hormones that flood my brain. These hormones probably come from biological things needing to reproduce so they don’t go extinct. The same thing goes for love, I suppose. The question is, do I want to accept it?

As a modern human, people sometimes get offended by that thought. But I can’t think of anything more accurate than that.

What about me? For me, love is a hormone that floods our brains. But you should remember that love is also what makes life worth living. Your relationship with everybody and the legacy you leave makes your life worth living. Love is how a person can live the rest of their life with their favorite person. It’s a pretty special bond, if I might add.

So, there should be a balance of those 2 things: hormones and the relationship that makes life worth living.

Rules

Ah yes, this part… someone in John Wick says, “Rules. Without them, we live with the animals”. This can’t be more accurate. The fact that with rules, we can be better people should not make us hate them, right?

Like an operating system, I think rules are essential in our life. I remembered that my operating system lecturer said that an operating system is just like the law book of our computer. I wonder if that’s true or not (it probably is true). But I just wanna say that without the law controlling our computers, racing conditions, and deadlocks could happen inside our computers. We don’t want that to happen, right?

The one and I think the very essential problem in a relationship is when 2 sides refuse to communicate appropriately when there is a problem. The problem is frequently not the real problem; it’s their ego. That is why, in my future relationship, one of the most important rules is that when the clock hits 00:00, both parties should stop being angry at each other. This rule is a must and can’t be negotiated. Also, if both parties are in different time zones, the time used for this rule is for the person who has the faster time and who hits 00:00 on their clock faster.

A new that I’ve gotten out of my mind that I haven’t implemented is to do presentation. This presentation will be done bi-weekly and monthly. This presentation will be done using chat, voice call using any communication media possible, and irl meet. Feel free for both parties to use power point. The goal of this is to give each other life update. Also, it’s a great opportunity to express gratitute towards God and to each other.

Ending

If I were about to say: this list/protocol could change, would you see it as a loophole? Probably yes. That’s why I won’t know it. The fact is that this is a fixed list for checking if she’s the right person or not. This list could be added, tho. Best luck to you.